just-shower-thoughts:

As a test-tube baby, I technically have no proof that my parents are not virgins

faedex:

spitandvinegar:

New hobby idea: using phrases that sound like down-home folksy expressions you learned from your grandma but are actually just nonsense you just made up

- that man really salts my melon!

- you know what they say, it takes a bushel of corn to feed one chicken

- a louse will live on any head it lands on

- don’t put down a salt lick and say you ain’t got cows

- there’s a guy who eats half the berries and says the pie shell’s too big

- like digging a pond and hoping for ducks

This was supposed to be a joke and all but as a southerner, these still make sense.

thechronicleofshe:

unfollowfriday:

white boys be like “im gonna make you come so hard” and ur like, what to my senses

every time i see this i’m thrown into hysterics because for some reason i NEVER anticipate the ending of this sentence

just-shower-thoughts:

“Seeing someone reading a book you love is seeing a book recommending a person”

wine-and-astrology:

“My love is like the lightest sky: bright, dazzling, beautiful and mesmerizing.”

Pisces, Cancer, Libra, Leo, Aries, Gemini, Sagittarius.

“My love is like the darkest ocean: deep, unfathomable, mysterious and immense.”

Scorpio, Capricorn, Aquarius, Taurus, Virgo.

slimetony:

hank-cyclone:

slimetony:

Fucked up at joes crab shack

yea i know i saw you

highly unlikely I was astral projecting